Let’s get one thing clear. There are all sorts of fake types of confidence out there. After all, the whole idea of faking it until you make it is actually still popular in the United States. A lot of people are under the impression that as long as you look successful, that’s all that matters. Real success will eventually catch up with you.
By the same token, there is no shortage of people who believe that as long as other people buy into the idea that you know what you’re talking about then this is as good as the real thing. These are the types of people who make a big deal out of formal titles or one’s placement on any kind of organizational chart. The idea is that your role defines you. In other words, if you carry a title, your title somehow someway bestows some sort of instant competence on you.
Both of these ideas involve magical thinking. There are simply too many leaps of faith as well as logic required for people to accept these and for these to have actual effects. Sadly, there are so many people who believe in faking it until they make it. The line of people who believe that their titles or how others view them truly determine who they are is actually quite long.
Of course, as everybody knows, all this is a fallacy because there’s a profound difference between looking like you know how to do things and actually being able to deliver. Sadly, we have a society that is so obsessed with self esteem that it equates it with self confidence which turns out to be a false type of confidence.
Remember, it doesn’t really matter whether you think you know how to build a bridge or not. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re a genius or not. What matters is whether you are able to perform what society asks of you.
This is where the rubber meets the road. Unfortunately, a lot of people who place a lot more importance on self confidence built on self esteem fall apart. They just crumble like a house of cards because they have built their confidence in something that’s not real.
Competence is the true building block of real confidence because it’s tried, and tested and you only develop competence when you face adversity, challenges, and failure. Sure, there’s a tremendous amount of discomfort and inconvenience getting to this point, but that’s precisely the point.
It’s not something that you get just for showing up. It’s not just some sort of door prize. It’s something that you fight for. It’s something that you earn. It’s something that you sacrifice for.
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