When it comes to the dating world, I’m an expert in that domain. If you’re wondering about my dating record, let me tell you that I’ve had my fair share of some awfully pathetic dating experiences.
If you’re in the same boat and are feeling lost on how to improve in this domain, look no further. This article will do just that by instructing you through my dating mistakes to help you nurture your future relationships. I’ve added some expert dating tips at the end that will allow you to craft the date of your dreams.
Misunderstandings in Dating
One of the most common reasons behind conflicts and arguments in a relationship is misunderstanding your partner. Misunderstandings are a common part of our lives. However, they can sometimes lead to disputes. It can range from being misheard to being misinterpreted, which can be detrimental to a relationship. Below are a few love mistakes in a relationship that can be unhealthy if not dealt with immediately.
1- Ineffective Listening
The inability to listen effectively to what your partner is saying leads to your partner feeling unheard and to improper understanding, which results in misinterpretation of what your partner said.
This can be as simple as incorrectly listening to the grocery list, which will possibly infuriate the other partner to a much more complex issue. Listening incorrectly during an argument and misinterpreting something like “lower that pitch” to “lower that, bitch” might not result in a pleasant outcome of the argument if the misunderstanding due to ineffective listening is not resolved.
2- Making Assumptions
Misinterpreting your partners’ actions and assuming something on your own is like cooking a dish without knowing its ingredients. You keep assuming the ingredients and putting in whatever you think would fit next rather than following the recipe, eventually leading to a disastrous result.
An example is when you see your partner coming home late at night one day, and he goes to sleep immediately without much talking. In this situation, the other partner starts assuming that maybe this is a sign that my partner has lost interest in me and doesn’t love me anymore. While in reality, the partner is tired of the work overload today, which led him to come late at home too.
3- Competing With Your Partner
A relationship where you view the other person as a competitor rather than a partner can mess things up. Because rather than applauding each other’s achievements, you are feeling the need to compete and be better than the other. This mindset not only creates misunderstandings between the couple but is also highly detrimental to both parties because where there is no support and partnership, misunderstandings and arguments are bound to happen.
4- Thinking You’re Always Right
The always right mentality can be quite a deal breaker when dating, as it makes one feel as though their opinion or stance doesn’t matter and can also create loads of misunderstandings and arguments.
Even if you believe you are correct, putting your partner down can displease them and lead to conflict. It can create a feeling of being unheard and cause them to question their bond with you. Therefore, in such cases, it’s essential to understand how to communicate your reasons to the other party diplomatically and without making them feel bad.
5- Comparing Your Partner To Another Person
When your partner compares you to a third party, it is a sign of impertinence that can lead to disputes. It can be viewed by your partner to abandon their identity and make them question if they are not enough.
Rather than comparing, try to appreciate them for who they are. Eventually, you’ll realize that their distinct characteristics set them apart from the rest enabling you to build a deeper connection and understanding with your partner.
Mistakes to Avoid in Dating
Trying to make your new relationship last or avoid repeating your previous dating mistakes? Following are the common mistakes that one can consciously or subconsciously make when dating that must be avoided at all costs.
1. Letting Your World Revolve Around Your Partner
A common yet prevalent issue in most relationships is to have your whole world revolve around your man or woman. Stephanie from Dating Pilot says she often witnesses people becoming so engrossed in a new relationship that they “no longer leave room for family, friends, or former activities.”
Losing sight of who you are or what you enjoy doing in your relationship is a recipe for disaster. This is especially difficult if there are problems in the relationship or if you break up. This will create difficulty for you when adjusting and regaining your identity.
2. Pretending To Be Someone You’re Not
If you have to pretend to be someone you’re not to gain their love and hide your true self from them, then this relationship is not worth it and will probably not last long because, at some point, you can lose that persona, revealing your true self. And when this happens, your relationship will be in deep trouble
3. Not Being Vocal About Your Feelings
Regardless of the reason behind you suppressing your feelings, be it because your partner might get hurt or simply because he’s not a good listener. Hiding your emotions will never do you good in the long run. One day when it gets too much for you to handle, you’ll eventually experience an emotional outburst which will be much worse than talking your feelings out in the beginning rather than piling them up.
4. Comparing Your Partner To Your Ex
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” You choose to be unhappy when you compare your partner to your ex. First, comparing two different people isn’t fair because they are both unique in their own way. Doing this will not only make your current partner question their worth, but it will also make them feel disrespected.
If you feel the need to compare your partner to your ex, you should seek a therapist and get a load of your previous relationship off your chest and then get moving forward to form a new relationship.
5. Jumping Into A Relationship To Distract Yourself
The biggest dating mistake women make is jumping into a relationship to distract themselves from a past relationship or maybe because they think they’ll end up alone. This will keep you from forming a real bond with your partner. But it might also make you feel like you’ve settled with the wrong person as this relationship was formed in a hurry, making you think about other possible partners that could’ve been a better match for you only if you’ve waited a little longer.
How to Succeed in Dating
If you’re looking for someone to be your ride or die and spend your coffee dates with, then you’ll have to go out there and look for it, which means navigating the labyrinth of dating. While there are no quick remedies, you can significantly improve your chances of success and save yourself from dating the wrong men through these three simple tips.
1- Know Thy Self, Know Thy Partner
When looking for a partner, the first thing to do is to know yourself. When you know your own likes, dislikes, etc., only then you’ll be able to assess the type of match you’re looking for.
Never go on a date out of hopelessness, clutching to the first person who accepts you. Similarly, don’t make a specific list of qualities someone must possess to date you. Instead, list common generalizations that would make a potential partner a good fit for you.
Let’s say you’re into sports. You love doing outdoor activities and indulging in adventures. Once you get to know yourself, you can search for a guy with similar interests, making it a perfect match for you.
2- Make A Friend Before A Partner
We’ve all known people who were friends for years before deciding to marry and then went on to have happy lifelong marriages. If you guys enjoy each other’s company, don’t be so quick to jump into a relationship; instead, continue to have fun and grow your friendship to create deeper understanding and connection, taking it to a higher level of commitment in dating to eventually marrying each other if you guys click all along.
3- Take It Slow
Just as you didn’t learn to walk or eat properly in a day, the same is true when building trust and companionship in a relationship.
I say this because when you like a person and you’re attracted to them, certain feel-good chemicals like dopamine are released into your brain. This relationship phase is known as the attraction phase, but how long does this phase last? To ensure that both partners are mutually involved in the relationship, give it time to nurture and prosper.
10 Tips for a good date from the expert
To be successful in dating, you must commit to the process. Following are my top 10 tips to have a successful first date ahead!
1- Be your true self
The most authentic tip for a good and relaxed dating experience is to be your true self. A date where you don’t have to pretend to be someone else makes it easy to have a conversation and allows you to keep yourself out there. In this case, if you both click and start dating, you won’t have to worry about keeping up with the facade.
2- Evaluate your last relationship
Before stepping into a new relationship, it would be great to learn from your past mistakes in the relationship and enter with self-awareness of your rights and wrongs. This will not only help you in being a better version of yourself. But it will also hamper individual growth and self-grooming.
3- Engage through communication
Talk about your likes, dislikes, dreams, and ambitions with your date, but make sure it goes both ways and is not a one-sided conversation. Make sure to ask lots of questions and share information about yourself and your stories, but also give your date space to speak, whether by asking questions or leaving silence. Keep an eye out for this, especially if you’re an extrovert who enjoys talking.
4- Show interest in the other person
Being interested is the best way to be on a first date. We all know that most people enjoy talking about themselves, so show your date that you’re interested in asking them questions throughout the date.
5- Keep stress at bay
Being stressed is natural, but being stressed to the point that you start getting flustered can hinder you from communicating effectively and making the right move with your partner.
6- Be confident
Fake it till you make it. If stress takes over, try to act confident until you both get comfortable enough to engage in a conversation.
7- Active listening
Be all ears when your date mentions anything. This can help stir a conversation and give them an idea that you’re interested in them.
8- Stay relaxed and smile
Don’t let the stress show on your face. Smile instead. By smiling more, you will not only begin to feel better but also project some positivity onto those around you.
9- Look presentable
Make sure you dress correctly for your first date. Ensure that your clothes are ironed, and you smell good. Try going for something casual but comfortable at the same time.
10- Plan the next date
If all goes well on the first date and you feel a connection with them. Go ahead and ask them whenever they are free and plan a spontaneous coffee date.
Dating can be tricky, and even the most experienced daters sometimes make mistakes when looking for singles. If you avoid these common mistakes, you’ll be on your way to successful and enjoyable dating!