When Marriage Isn’t Milk And Honey: What Can You Do About It?
Although people have been doing it for thousands of years, that does not negate the fact that marriage is hard! This holy bond that people choose to commit to more often than not turns out to be one of the hardest things they willingly bring onto themselves. After the honeymoon phase ends, the demands and routine of daily life leave married couples wondering what happened to their love, where they went wrong, and whether there’s still something there that is worth saving. Those are all valid questions and most couples ask them at least a handful of times throughout the course of their marriage. However, asking the questions does not guarantee that the relationship will survive, nor last for eternity.
Perhaps one of the reasons why divorce rates have soared beyond comprehension is that married people do not acknowledge the fact that their relationship will be tested through and through. And even if they do account for such challenges, they usually do not have the essential tools they need to overcome these rocky stages. If you find yourself in a similar situation and need help to identify your options, this article is for you. Read on to find out what you can do when your marriage isn’t milk and honey.
Speak Up
It does more harm than good when you choose to suffer in silence. An astounding number of marriages end due to a lack of communication. People choose to suppress their feelings and ignore the most obvious signals to avoid being the ones rocking the boat. Of course, this is easier said than done, especially when there are children involved and neither one of the spouses wants to be the reason behind their suffering. However, if your marriage is causing you more agony than contentment, you have to speak up and start finding answers and solutions to the issues you have with your spouse. Perhaps your partner feels the same way and even shares the same fears as you about voicing their own concerns.
This is when you have to be honest with yourself, take the initiative, and put all your cards on the table. Either you and your spouse will agree to give it a second chance and fight to save your marriage, or you will both decide that this is it and you will be better off ending it. Whichever way it goes, it will still be much better than turning a blind eye to your marital problems and living in misery under the pretense that it is for the greater good.
Seek Professional Help
Tensions between couples arise when each person believes that the other person is to blame. Failure to see each others’ point of view is very common, especially when you do not have healthy communication techniques. This is where a professional marriage counselor can be of great help. These experts are trained to listen and act as a mediator between couples so that they can both see eye to eye and reach the desired level of mutual understanding. However, if you want to reap the maximum benefits of marriage counseling therapy, do not leave it as a last resort. Instead, discuss it with your spouse, and consider it early on when unresolved tension starts to build up between the two of you.
Seeking counseling too late when the damage has already been done, and pain and anger have completely taken over your relationship, would be useless, to say the least. Even if you start early enough, you can only benefit from counseling when you and your spouse manage your expectations and understand that it is merely a tool and that the only ones who can save your marriage or otherwise are the two of you.
Try to Put Yourself in Your Spouse’s Shoes
One of the most common mistakes that people make when they are having marriage problems is that they tend to exclusively focus on themselves and their own individual needs. Many find it easier to blame other people for their unhappiness than be honest with themselves and muster the courage to acknowledge their own flaws. However, this state of denial on both sides will stifle the relationship and send it into a gridlock where no one will end up winning. Instead, try to step outside of yourself and look at the problems from your spouse’s perspective. Not only will this exercise open your eyes to new facts, but you will also develop a sense of empathy, which over time can be the lifeline you need to save your fragile relationship.
Figuring out how to fix a flawed marriage is not the challenge, the real challenge is trying to figure out whether it is worth fixing in the first place. Many people waste years of their lives fighting to breathe life into a relationship that has flatlined a long time ago without them even taking notice. The best thing you can do is stay honest with yourself and keep open communication channels with your spouse in order to give your marriage the best chances of survival.
