Divorce is tough, not just for the adults – but also for the kids caught in the crossfire. Amid all the emotions, looking after the children should always be a top priority. After all, kids will always be the most vulnerable in this situation.
So, how do you take care of the kids during the divorce process?
While it can seem daunting, parents can support their children emotionally and physically by following a few basic principles, giving them stability and reassurance during a time of disruptive change.
Open Communication is the Key
Children are perceptive and will quickly pick up on changes in their environment. Shielding them entirely from the reality of a divorce is not possible, practical, or healthy.
It’s essential to have honest and age-appropriate conversations with them about what’s going on. For younger children, simple explanations that focus on their safety and the love of both parents can be reassuring. Older children need more detailed conversations to help them process what’s happening. While older children will be able to understand what’s going on more easily, they are often the most difficult to reassure about the future, especially if they have close friends who have also been affected by divorce.
Let children ask questions, too. Let them express their worries, fears, or anger without fear of judgment. Parents must reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that they are loved and supported. When these conversations feel too much, or there are legal complexities to consider, seeking advice from other divorced parents or going online can help you know how to approach them.
Stability Through Routine
Divorce brings significant changes that can disrupt a child’s sense of stability. By establishing and sticking to routines, parents can help reduce the uncertainty their children may feel. Daily routines for school, homework, meals, and bedtime can give a sense of normality amid chaos. Keeping traditions, like weekend family activities or holiday celebrations, can add to the sense of continuity.
Moving homes or changing schools during divorce should be avoided, as this can add to the stress. When changes are necessary, clear communication and advanced planning can help children adjust more smoothly. A well-thought-out parenting plan, ideally created with the guidance of specialist family law counsel, means both parents are on the same page regarding schedules and responsibilities, which can help ease the transition.
Emotional Well-being
Depending on their age and maturity, children will experience a range of emotions during a divorce, from sadness and confusion to guilt and anger. Helping them navigate these feelings is crucial for their emotional development. Parents can create a safe space for children to express their emotions through talking, drawing, or other creative outlets.
Professional help, such as child therapy or counseling, can be helpful for children who can’t articulate their feelings or cope with the changes in their family dynamics. Meanwhile, parents should lead by example and show children how to manage stress and emotional challenges. This will reassure children and help them build resilience for the future.
Minimise Conflict and Maximise Cooperation
One of the most damaging things for children during a divorce is seeing ongoing parental conflict. Arguments, negative comments about the other parent, or using children as messengers can leave lasting scars. Parents should resolve disputes privately and respectfully so their children feel protected from any animosity.
Co-parenting with a collaborative mindset is key to creating a supportive environment for children. It may be hard to put aside personal issues, but focusing on the child’s needs can help parents communicate and cooperate. Flexible arrangements that accommodate unexpected changes show children both parents are committed to their well-being.
Different Age Groups Need Different Support
Children of different ages experience divorce differently, and supporting them at their developmental stage is important. Younger children, such as toddlers and preschoolers, won’t fully understand the concept of divorce but are aware of changes in their environment. Extra comfort and consistency can help them adjust.
School-aged children will internalize the situation and may blame themselves for the separation. Reassuring them of their innocence and answering their questions can help alleviate these feelings. Teenagers will show anger or withdrawal as they process the divorce. While it’s important to give them space, parents should be available, supportive, and ready to talk when they are ready.
Legal Guidance and Support
The legal aspects of divorce, such as custody and child support, can be overwhelming for parents. It’s important to approach these decisions with a child-centred mindset and make sure the agreements made put the children first. Working with an experienced family lawyer can help you understand your rights and responsibilities and navigate these complexities.
Legal professionals can also help create parenting plans that address the specific needs of the children and ensure they have a strong relationship with both parents. Mediation is a helpful alternative to litigation and a less confrontational way to resolve disputes and reach agreements. By being child-centered, parents can reduce the emotional impact of the legal process on their family.
Look After Yourself
Divorce can take a toll on parents emotionally and physically. But looking after yourself is key to being able to support your children. Don’t be afraid to lean on your support networks, whether friends, family or professional counselors, to help you navigate your own feelings and challenges.
Physical health through regular exercise, proper nutrition, and sufficient rest are just as important. By managing their own stress and emotional health, parents can model positive coping strategies for their children and create an environment of resilience and strength.
Always Put the Children First
Divorce ends a marital relationship, but it also provides an opportunity to recommit to parents’ unconditional love and commitment for their children. By focusing on open communication, stability, and emotional support, parents can create an environment where their children can adjust and thrive despite the challenges. Seeking professional help, whether through counseling or legal advice, can help the transition and ensure decisions are made with the child’s best interests at heart.
